Secret Counselling

Posted on Sun Feb 20th, 2022 @ 2:01pm by Lieutenant Commander Callie Raven-Grayson & Commander Jonathan Grayson

Mission: The Orion Syndicate
Location: Grayson Quarters

{ON}

With Harry safely tucked up in bed Callie lay spooned up with Jon, enjoying the closeness they were both sharing. It was difficult not being able to make love but they’d found other ways of pleasuring each other which made their relationship all the more enjoyable.

Her fingers gently trailed along Jon’s arm as it draped over her side holding her close. “How did your day go today?”

Jon hesitated slightly before he answered, "It was okay Callie. Captain came by and it seems Dex let it slip that she thinks I'm suffering PTSD so now he and wants me to see Jortho and there's no way to get around it." He finished clearly unhappy over the order.

“To be fair, it’s what’s best Imzadi.” Callie smiled as she gently lifted his arm a little and rolled into her back so she could look at Jon face to face. “I would counsel you myself, but as I’m your wife it would be seen as a conflict of interest. There’s nothing to say I can’t talk to you at home though, as long as you don’t tell anyone.”

"How is it in my best interest Callie? No one asks me my opinion. I just get told what to do." He grumbled. His face brightened at Callie's suggestion. "I like that and I won't tell anyone."

Callie nodded as she gently ran her fingers over Jon’s chest. “So talk to me, and don’t hold back for my sake. If counselling is going to work for you, then you need to talk freely. How do you truly feel?”

Jon's face darkened. "I keep reliving the missions where Sam was captured by the Romulans and also the one where Essie was hurt." His eyes met hers. "I feel so damn guilty Callie."

Callie nodded. “From what I understand you weren’t to blame for what happened. If you were you wouldn’t be here now. I know Essie was someone you loved very much, if I hadn’t come into the picture you’d still be waiting for her return.” She paused, it wasn’t easy to think of Jon with someone else.

"But you are here and that's what matters now Callie and I want you here. As not being blamed, I blame myself. I was the officer in charge of both away missions and I got two people I care a great deal about hurt."

“You can’t be expected to anticipate every little detail of what might or might not happen Jon.” Callie gently interlaced her fingers of her right hand with his as his hand rested on her stomach. “You can plan every little detail, things can happen that you simply don’t expect.”

Jon shook his head stubbornly. "I am suppose to know Callie. I'm the XO of this ship. I should have anticipated problems and I didn't." This was a part of Jon, Callie knew so well, his refusal to accept he couldn't foresee everything and in turn drove himself too hard.

“Jon look at me” Callie smiled as she looked deeply into his eyes. “You are not infallible, there is NO way you could foresee every eventuality. Don’t punish yourself for what you cannot control.” Do you think Essie would want you blaming yourself?”

He didn't answer not directly, "I blame me Callie. For what happened to Essie and as well as what happened to Sam. Do you know what the Romulans did? They stripped us naked, bound us hand and foot and they gagged Sam." He paused as he met Callie's gaze, "I wasn't going to let that happen with you Callie." He finished softly.

Callie nodded understandingly. “I know, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You need to let it go Jon, what’s happened is in the past you need to look to the future.” She placed his hand flat on her stomach. “You have us, and Harry too, no matter what we’re here for you, I’m here for you.”

"Callie, there is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe. Same for Harry and our baby. You, Harry and the baby are my world." He gave her a weak smile, "I'm glad you are here Callie and we're talking. "I see these missions over and over Callie." He confessed.

Callie nodded. “It’s because you’re holding onto the guilt, you have to release it, to let it go. I know it doesn’t feel like it now but it will get better in time, if you let it.”

"It's hard Callie. These weren't strangers. These were dear, close friends. Sam thankfully is fine but Essie......." His words drifted away, and tears filled his eyes.

Callie nodded. “Have you checked on her progress? Would you like me to find out how she’s doing?”

"I checked a few weeks ago Callie. There has been no change in her status." Jon answered. he took Callie's hand and kissed it softly. "Thank you for offering though."

Callie nodded. “Jon I hate to ask but, do you... still love her?”

"I love you Callie and I realize, I always have. I love Essie but I am not in love with her." He answered yet inwardly he was hurt Callie asked him that. he didn't ask about.... he stopped himself from going down a path where no good would come from it.

Callie nodded, she felt the urge boiling inside of Jon to ask a question he didn’t want to ask. She pre-emptied the question with an answer. “No, I don’t love anyone else Jon. The only man I love is you!”

He nodded and smiled at her, "And I love you and only you Callie, now and forever." Jon answered honestly "And no more talk of loving anyone else."

Callie nodded. “That I promise you.” She clenched her fists. “It’s so hard not to want to make love to you!”

Jon pulled her close and kissed her tenderly, "We can improvise Callie by snuggling and kissing and just improvising." He smiled at her.

Callie grinned a wry grin, “I do so love your improvising!” She returned his kiss lovingly. “I hope our talk has helped you feel a little better?”

"Well, I'm glad you do. I would hate to think I was wasting my time on someone who didn't appreciate it." Jon said with a grin and a smile. "Our talk and you’re advice and support has helped a great deal Callie. I just want you and Harry to be proud of me."

“Imzadi I’m always proud of you!” Callie offered a warm smile. “If anything I need you just as much, if not more. I feel safe with you, with everything that’s happened lately I need to feel that safety. It’s going to take me a while to fully get my nerve back, but I’ll do it with you at my side.”

"Callie my love, my world. We will get through this together, we draw strength and lean on each other when necessary and we will always be there for each other."

{OFF}