Working through things

Posted on Sun Aug 28th, 2022 @ 7:15am by Lieutenant Commander Callie Raven-Grayson & Commander Samantha Howard
Edited on on Sun Aug 28th, 2022 @ 10:44am

Mission: A Trip to Middle Earth
Location: Counsellors office

Dr Samantha Howard took a deep breath as she waited outside Callie's office, trying to control the conflicting feelings that were threatening to overtake her. She needed to deal with the trauma of previous missions gone wrong before she could continue moving forward as a member of the crew. Something easier said than done.

Callie had sensed Sam outside the door before she’d even hit the chime, opening the door she offered a warm smile. “Hi Sam, come on in and make yourself comfortable. There’s plenty of cosy cushions to cuddle up to in here.”

Sam looked around nervously, it had been some time since she'd had to talk with Callie in a professional basis. The last time was after the away mission that went horribly wrong where she and Jon had been captured and tortured. She shuddered at the memory and knew deep down she'd buried that mission deep within her mind rather than dealing with it, and was now paying a rather high price.

Finally settling on the sofa she tried to relax as she waited for Callie to start.

“You’re pretty wound up my friend” Callie gave Sam an understanding smile as she pulled up a comfy chair from nearby and sat down. “You’re safe here, it’s just you and me. You can relax, no one is going to hurt you.”

Sam took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing mind even though she knew what would be coming. Whilst she thought of Callie as a friend, she dreaded the thought of reliving the past, even within the safety of the office.

Callie smiled. “Now can you tell me what’s making you feel so afraid?”

Sam closed her eyes for a moment, her hands squeezed into fists and her fingernails almost cutting the flesh of her hands. " I can't stop this feeling of being hunted and captured again. It's been getting worse for the last few weeks. I thought I could handle it but the holodeck incident brought it all to a head. I couldn't function." There were tears of embarrassment and shame rolling down her face. "In all my years in Starfleet I've never been a liability, now I am"

“Okay Sam” Callie gently placed her hand on Sam’s hand. “So this has been brewing for a few weeks, and now the holodeck incident has turned into a fight, or flight panic.” She offered a gentle smile. “Why didn’t you come and see me sooner? There’s no shame in this Sam, that’s what I’m here for.”

" I thought I could handle it, and I didn't think it was as bad as it obviously was" Sam dropped her eyes to the floor, the fear beginning to well up inside her again. " As a medical professional I should know better, but as a person I thought I was ok" She admitted with a shaky voice. "Now everyone knows I can't be relied upon in a crisis"

“That’s rubbish and you know it Sam!” Callie offered a warm smile. “You’re obviously suffering from PTSD, as of now I’m taking you off the away team roster, and I’m also placing you on light duties. I don’t want you in any stressful situations until you’re feeling you can cope.”

" Damn" Sam swore under her breath, knowing the consequences of her inaction earlier would be harsh, but removing her from the away team roster and restricting her to light duties still stung. " Yes Counsellor - I understand" She said finally after getting her strung out emotions under control.

“I’m going to arrange some holodeck free time for you, a prescription for meditation, relaxation, mindfulness, and if you feel you need it I can arrange medication to help as well.”

" I don't think I've ever meditated in my life" Sam admitted shyly, her cheeks colouring again. How was such a common mental health practice not front and centre in the Starfleet training guide? "Could you teach me?"

“I could try, but to be honest I’m not the expert” Callie smiled. “How would you feel about my involving Shon? She is Vulcan after all.”

"Maybe, I'm more comfortable talking to yourself at the moment though." Sam admitted. Shon was a close friend but she didn't want to burden her with here mental health concerns. " I just feel worthless, I shouldn't have frozen like I did and I'm terrified of it happening again"

“It’s okay Sam, I’m happy to help.” Callie offered an understanding smile. “You’re not worthless, fear can quite literally freeze you in your tracks, as a Doctor you know what how paralysing fear can be. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’ll get you past this that I promise you.”

"Thanks Callie" Sam breathed a little, thankful there was light at the end of the tunnel. There would be many more sessions, many more conversations but the healing would begin.

{OFF}