Truth and Mutual Benefit.

Posted on Sat Dec 2nd, 2023 @ 11:22pm by Captain Shran dh'Klar & Lieutenant JG Eislyn Jortho & Lieutenant Inara Senn

Mission: Hard Earned Peace
Location: Counselor Jortho's office

Inara approached the Counselor's office. Trying to figure out how she was going to explain Hela without being committed.

The door opened and Eislyn stepped out, startling herself as she nearly walked into Inara. "Lt Senn I presume? The captain told me I might need to speak with you."

"Indeed, through no fault but my own, I am being tormented in some grand divine comedy by the Norse God of the Underworld, Hela. Oh, and the Irish goddess of Doom, Death, and Victory has also showed up. Her name is 'The Morrigan.'" Inara noted. "Both might torment us during this session by the way, and there is nothing you can do about it but ignore them. Why can't I be visited by Apollo, Captain Kirk said he was striking." Inara smirked.

"As I recall, Morrigan was the Celtic goddess of war, death, doom, and fate. I would find it interesting to meet her honestly, from a psychological and anthropological perspective. As for Hela, well, not the first time she has graced this crew. Please come inside and we can discuss matters" Eislyn replied.

"Hela has opened some very old wounds in me." Inara noted. "About my first love, Counselor. Did you know there are rare people. Times we meet people, some would say even our 'soulmates.' That was Josephine Carlyle to me. Hela has not only torn this wound open. She's been rubbing salt and iodine in it for almost the last two days."

"I have lived several lifetimes lieutenant, I know well the matters of the heart, from every perspective you can imagine. Such heartache stays with you, and the opening of such wounds can be quite painful. Hela using such pain to torment you is her modus operandi" Eislyn replied bluntly. "Tell me more about this wound she has torn open, about this lost love of yours."

Inara pulled out a holopicture display she always kept with her and activated it. A small hologram of a woman appeared. Inside her she was staring at it. He eyes tried to seep tears. It didn't take a degree in psychology to realize that what happened to Inara was the worst possible thing to every happen to a sentient being, slavery. Inara was a woman that had to rebuild herself, and she wasn't quite what she was anymore. Intelligent, beautiful, but cursed. Jortho would have indeed seen the face of a freed slave, of broken innocence.

"You seem like you are falling into yourself as you look at the picture. She meant a great deal to you. But you haven't told me anything, only allowed yourself to become captured by your own emotions" Eislyn offered, trying to gently pry into Inara.

"I meet her, rescued her really." Inara noted. "One of those damned temporal incidents that no one talks about." She mentioned. "And gets tucked away conveniently." Inara mentioned. "I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She complimented me, her grace, her intelligence, left me awestruck." Inara mentioned. "I did not deserve her. I couldn't protect her. I hurt her." Inara mentioned. "I couldn't protect her, and I was made to hurt her." Inara noted.

"Interesting" Eislyn responded coolly. "You say you couldn't protect her, and you were made to hurt her. In what way?"

"Counselor, you have no idea what a horror slavery is... I loathe slavers. The reality is different from the fantasy that rests in our imaginations. The Federation says, 'there is no human trafficking in Federation space.' That is a lie." Inara mentioned. "They don't admit there's cracks in their utopia because that would be admitting an inconvenient truth. That the Federation is full of bullshit, but do not get me wrong. The ideals we strive for, the principles. There is nothing better. We were enslaved, counselor. I and my dear Josie... spent one week, at the hands of an inhuman sociopath named Micheal Bishop, being broken into whores. I broke first..." She shed a tear. "Then they used what was left of me, reenforced into a willing slut... to break her."

Eislyn shifted in her seat. "Actually, I have a very clear idea about the horrors of slavery, but we aren't talking about me. And I do understand what you mean about the fantasy versus reality. Please continue."

"By the time we were freed, by Starfleet there was nothing left of her. Even worse, counselor, Starfleet made a deal with Kyle Cragen, a deal..." She picked up and threw a chair into the wall. "A DEAL!!!!! They let him go so they could get evidence on a completely corrupt Starfleet admiral. No Justice. Worse, my former Captain, XO, and counselor meddled. They kept me away from her, claiming 'she needed to heal.' Well, I looked at her one day. There was nothing left." Inara mentioned. "I died on the inside. I'm sorry, I can't tell you everything counselor. Only what you need to know. It's a Temporal Affairs thing. But I can say this; I may still kill them all one day. It will be a finale to the story of Inara Senn, every bit as ironic and dramatic as the story of Edmund Dantes." Inara noted. "Please tell me Revenge isn't worth it, Counselor! Please tell me I don't deserve to slide a blade across their necks and watch them all bleed out for it. Because I sure as hell want to do just that. Just the day that it will happen feels so sweet to me. That I would savor every moment." Inara's wound was deep. "It would be a revenge they would write about for centuries. Greater than the Count of Monte Cristo. So why haven't I done it yet!!!"

Eislyn was quite concerned with the obvious anger and hyperfocus Inara seemed to have on revenge. She seemed to fixate on it, even comparing herself to a literary character. "If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you're allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind." She adjusted her uniform, giving Inara a moment to process what she had told her. "When you begin a journey of revenge, start by digging two graves: one for your enemy, and one for yourself. The paradox of vengefulness is that it makes men dependent upon those who have harmed them, believing that their release from pain will come only when their tormentors suffer. The reality is, you have made yourself a slave to your pain, a slave to your desire to have vengeance. But that vengeance, while it might seem comforting, it will not be a balm for your wounds; rather, it will be the final nail in your coffin."

Eislyn stood up and walked slowly around the sofa that Inara was seated in. "Perhaps I should put it another way. You seem quite keen on comparing yourself to Edmund Dantes and your life to that of his in the Count of Monte Cristo. While revenge is an integral part of that story, so is anger. While both push Edmund to survive all that happens to him and give him a goal to achieve, they are ultimately fruitless endeavors. It is love and companionship that ultimately save him, that allow him to move past the underlying grief. He knows that the anger is wrong, that his desire for revenge is counterproductive, yet he continues to push forward because he refuses to deal with his actual grief. Just as Edmund had counselors that attempted to sway him from his dark path and lead him back into the light, so now do you have quite the same. Letting go of the anger and your desire for revenge is difficult, but it is something you must do for your own sake. I think you know that."

Behind Eislyn, only in the sightline of Inara, Morrigan appeared. And then next to Morrigan, another appeared in a ghostly vision, that of Josie.

Inara looked at Josie. The rage seemed to begin to slip away. "Well wait until you hear this counselor, you and the captain may find me reprehensible. It is how I met her. It is how I found myself here today." Inara noted. "My name then was, Arrianna Salannis an Vantar. She was this intoxicating naive Starfleet Officer. We were sent to perform research on an area of space called 'The Void.' It was a field of exotic matter. Some people thought it was dark matter, but they were wrong. Let me see if I can explain it. The research I did on it could fill volumes. The best I could describe it was it was 'antitime.'" Inara mentioned. "It sent us back to 1644 England. There we found survivors from another research vessel. Josephine was there. Later, when we returned to our time, I began to study the effects of Void Matter. I found that it contained the ability to send selective space to another point in space and time. In essence, I found the replacement for warp drive. The ability to plot a destination anywhere, anytime, and instantly arrive there. So, I pondered a plan. Did I want Starfleet to have something like this? After it showed its true colors. I saw Starfleet Command as a disease, every last one of those self-righteous Admirals. I was going to go back sometime to fix everything. I was going to make sure they paid the price, and make sure Captain Penelope Lanis never graduated the Academy. Same with the XO and the Counselor. Then I would assume another identity. Inara Senn and start dismantling Kyle Cragen's organization piecemeal. I would turn all my enemies against one another. Starfleet Command against itself. I would have proved that they were undeniable hypocrites. Well, I didn't understand everything about Void Matter. It sent me back to 2370. 'I would have to wait thirty years.' I said, through the war. Through all the time in between. Now, I can't do it. Hela has torn open this scar, and I feel how it has festered. So yes, I belong in prison. I wanted to twist time itself for my beloved. She should hate me what I've done, as I could not stand a lifetime without her. And now I have to do just that." Inara noted. "Don't tell me you have not been tempted with doing great and terrible things for those we love. You must think me a monster, but I'm not the only one. Starfleet in my time wanted to make deals with monsters, just to avoid the possibility of a civil war. They have no right to stand on the moral pedestal and lecture me when they threw me and her to the wolves!! My captain even refused to rescue her. They rescued me, but they left Josie to him. I simply decided that if they could buy into the absurd notion that 'the needs of the many outweighs those of the one' I could make them all pay for what they did. They were willing to destroy me and my dear love. To remove a fleet admiral from command. Fleet Admiral William Heigh. Now, I can't do it. Hela will destroy me if I do this any longer. And she, wherever she was, would watch as I destroyed myself. Forgive me my love." Inara noted. "I will tell the captain this soon and endure his distaste for me. But I'm not the only monster in this story, counselor. It is a tale of hideous lies, betrayals and scandal to surpass anything written by Agatha Chirstie. Maybe it was not a story of the Count of Monte Cristo. It was a story of Ten Little Indians... and then there was none."

Eislyn remained silent, digesting all the information Inara had just given her. It was a breakthrough moment, but it came with a series of sticking points. She was a counselor, and as such she was bound by medical oaths to protect her patients and their confidentiality. But several of the things said dealt with StarFleet matters, matters of conduct, temporal matters that most certainly would need to be addressed by the Temporal Prime Directive, not to mention the multitude of crimes, future crimes, that she had discussed. As a StarFleet officer, she considered what her duty was, and she felt a conflict within her as a medical practitioner. More than that, she had a conflict within herself, a conflict between Eislyn and Jortho. Her symbiont was rushing countless thoughts and memories to her. Jortho was very much against violating her medical oath, and even more than that, it was completely understanding of why Inara had done or planned to do the things she had spoken about. Eislyn was seeing all sorts of memories from Jortho's past lives.

"I intend to tell the captain everything. And even the ship's flight recorder has recorded this conversation. Because Temporal Affairs sent two black men to me to tell me never to reveal what will happen. They will send those two men to you and Captain dh'Klar. And because of Hela, ripping myself to pieces. I will tell him." Inara stood. "Good day counselor. I hope you never have a lifetime like mine. I'm going to talk to the captain. Then I will request a voluntary demotion."

"Inara..." Eislyn said softly, "I wouldn't count on things playing out as you assume they will. The captain..." she began to trail off, "the captain is full of surprises."

*Captain dh'Klar's Ready room.*

After explaining everything to the captain, Inara looked outside the viewport. "And that is how I have been dying each and every day since it happened. That is how I was filled with so much rage. I was willing to impose my will on time itself. I am a monster, but I'm not the only monster."

Shran sat quietly listening to Inara. He showed no emotion, almost Vulcan in his outside demeanor, perfectly stoic. He waited to see if she had any more to say.

"Now Hela, and now this Morrigan, even before her I was wondering if I wanted to do all this. Through the war, I took it out on the Dominion. Starfleet was even willing to seal this story all away for another officer. Not acknowledge it because it was the Prime Directive. No one wanted to acknowledge that Starfleet had died, and the only thing left was betrayal and lies. Hela has turned me inside out. I never knew we were subject to the whims of these meddlers. And now I am sick with rage, hate, anger. I sleep clutching my pillow at times. Like there is supposed to be someone there. I wake up and there's no one. I dream about her. I wish I could dream forever. I wake up, and I just cry."

"I believe Eislyn says you have PTSD, which leads me to believe your actions in large part have been clouded. As for what Command has or hasn't done, well, I can assure you nobody will be coming here to the ship to clap you in irons or anything of that sort. I'm afraid like the rest of us, you are just going to have to find a way to mentally and emotionally recover, all while performing your duties." Shran stood up and walked over to the small table in the corner and poured two drinks. He walked over and handed one to Inara, "While not the ideal coping mechanism, I have found that Andorian ale does wonders for calming the senses and allowing you to find clarity." He offered a smile and then offered her a quiet salute with his drink before downing it.

"As for Hela, and this Morrigan, I would love to say that you have seen the last of them, but that is likely not the case. While Morrigan has never appeared before, Hela has a relationship with the ship and crew. It seems the more we explore the galaxy the more frequent it is we run into races that claim to be gods, be it true or not. Honestly, I'd prefer dealing with the Q over these supposed gods, but life very rarely gives us what we want, only what we need. You know they are the third supposed omnipotent god race we have encountered. We have dealt with them, the Q, and the worst of them, a race known as the Shakespearean. I assure you, none of those encounters have been pleasant for myself or any other member of this crew. What I will say is that it is up to you to handle your own actions when dealing with these races, just as it is up to you when we encounter anyone else. We know Hela's motives, she has a hatred for mortals, particularly humans and other species that bear a resemblance to them such as yourself, and she delights in torturing them until they become her willing subjects, or she can enslave them somehow. I am still trying to assist Shon in just such a matter. This Morrigan though, we have no idea what she is after. She may have simply wanted to cross Hela out of spite, or she may actually have some semblance of compassion. You'll need to keep your wits about you in any case."

She began to breathe. "Captain, I've been a slave once in my life." She noted. "Hela is trying to enslave me. Not by using torture but by using my rage, using her. Whether Hela is a god or not I will never be her slave." Inara began to shed tears. "I'm sorry sir... I'm sorry for everything. I have been so blinded by my rage. Ever since I lost her... I have lived a half-life."

"I will tell you something that was once told to me that I feel is apropos. Capt Kira Nerys, commander of Deep Space 9 is a Bajoran. As you may be aware, most Bajorans are very religious. Kira is one such Bajoran. Early into her time as XO on DS9 until Capt Sisko, they were on what was supposed to be a simple trip through the wormhole, showing Kai Opoka the wormhole and the Gamma Quadrant. One thing led to another, and they went to answer a distress call and had their runabout shot down. Opoka was mortally wounded in the crash, but Kira had a chance to speak with her about her own faith before her passing. Kira felt she wasn't worthy of forgiveness, that she had done too much, seen too much death to be worthy of the love of her gods. Opoka told her something very simple. She was worthy of her god's love. They didn't need to forgive her for her sins, they were simply waiting for her to forgive herself. I think this is true for you Inara. You have tortured yourself for a long time, made yourself feel unworthy, but the path to healing will come from you simply forgiving yourself." Shran offered her a tissue to dry her tears.

Inara swallowed the tears. "And now in addition to forgiving myself somehow, I have another war to fight against a mad god that endeavors to make me livid, or whatever this entity is." She noted. "And now there's another one. I'm not sure if this Morrigan is any better than Hela. From what I understand from our mythological database, they all have very specific agendas. Hela desires to enrage those she desires as servants. Morrigan appears to be in opposition to Hela. Unfortunately, captain, we must understand in this context that the enemy of our enemy may not entirely be our friend. The only thing I could do was tell you my sins, my evils, and the evils that turned Arrianna Salannis an Vantar into the very skeptical and pragmatic Inara Senn. I have to come to peace with the darkness inside me, or it will be used against me." She noted. "If you know of a god which I don't have to sacrifice a goat to, in order to gain their favor against a bitch like Hela, by all means, send him or her to me. I believe it is time to seek forgiveness, but I have no intention of serving any god. Hela will never understand what it is to be a slave, no one does, unless you had a Klingon pain stick shoved up your ass."

Shran offered a chuckle before returning to his normal stoic self. "We all have darkness inside us, and we either control it or it controls us. It doesn't take a god or other assumed omnipotent being to use your darkness against you, so get control." He offered a small smile to her. "You may be on the right ship. Every one of my senior officers have demons in their past, darkness they must deal with. I am sure you have been made aware that we see more action than your typical StarFleet vessel. I suppose you are learning all of this firsthand now."

"I said I didn't require a goat sacrifice" said Morrigan as she appeared sitting on the sofa along the wall. "Perhaps you missed that when I told you."

Shran sat calmly as he looked over at the redhead. "Morrigan I presume?"

"Aye. You seem to take my appearance with a wee bit of grace. You don't rattle easy I see."

"Hardly the first of your kind to make an appearance. Now, what is it you want with my officer?" Shran said sharply.

"I'm not here to cause you any harm captain, nor your lass. Contrary to what Inara thinks, I am actually here on friendly terms. I really do only wish to thwart Hela" Morrigan replied.

Inara folded her arms like she was saying 'go on.'

"You say you are here to thwart Hela. I am fine with that. I do have to wonder about your motives though. I somehow doubt you are doing this simply because you wish to help a member of my crew" Shran put forward.

"I never said I was captain. I wish to cause problems for Hela, deny her a prize. That overlaps with being a benefit to Inara. Beyond that, my motives are my own, just as your motives are yours" Morrigan replied simply.

"Mutual self-interest then, I've found it to be a more honest motivation than good intentions." Inara noted. "Since we cannot do anything to oppose either of you, we have no choice but to cooperate. But I sense a rivalry between you and Hela. What's wrong Morrigan?" She smirked. "Did she piss in your divine cornflakes one day? You are being vague, but you appear to be driven by self-interest, and mutual self interest in my experience is better than good intentions. And that I trust more than 'hello, I'm here to help.'"

Morrigan glared at Inara briefly. "Yes, mutual self-interest. We both have a distaste for Hela. You can't combat her, I can."

"A point well taken. So we will work together to thwart Hela. Shall we call it an accord?" Shran questioned.

"Very well." Inara noted.

"An accord, aptly put captain" Morrigan said with an impish grin. "I'll keep Hela busy in regard to her interest in your lovelorn lieutenant." With that she faded from view.

Shran looked at Inara, "Certainly a less dramatic and showy entrance and exit than the Q. If she is to be trusted, I'd say that is at least one less thing I have to worry about. Now all I have to do is negotiate a peace treaty with a vicious Kilrathi, and figure out a way to protect Shon from Hela. Seems like just another day in StarFleet."