Yes, Counselor, I am Being Tormented by the Gods.

Posted on Sat Jan 13th, 2024 @ 1:22pm by Captain Shran dh'Klar & Lieutenant Commander Callie Raven-Grayson & Lieutenant Inara Senn

Mission: Hard Earned Peace
Location: Counselor's Office

Inara pushed the door chime to the counselor's office.

Callie was up getting herself a drink when the chime sounded, moving to the door she opened it offering Inara a smile. “Hi Inara, come on in, what can I do for you?” she didn't let on she'd already spoken with Shran.

"Counselor, honestly. I don't think there is much you can do for me. Not unless you can smite the gods asunder. But there might be other things" (LMAO)

Callie smiled a wry smile. "I'm afraid not Inara, I don't quite have god smiting down on my resume yet. What other things is it you're referring to?"

"Well aside from other things my life has unraveled spectacularly due to divine meddling and the ever-present torment of the Nordic Goddess of the Underworld," Inara mentioned, " and I'm coming to terms that I will have to wait thirty years to see the love of my life again, as 'fate' demands it," She explained, "you see I attempted time travel from the future as a way to change my destiny," She noted. "Thirty years form now, a young woman named Arrianna Salannis an Vantar, and her lover, will become enslaved by a hideous vile man named Kyle Cragen, he would do vile things to us, so when she was freed, she will use her talents to fix her shattered life; time travel, change time in the past to create a different future for herself" she sat down, "because the people she once trusted, once believed in, betrayed her, as how could anyone live with such heartbreak?" She noted. "So she decided 'why not' she would come into the past and destroy Kyle Cragen before he could destroy her life," she noted, "and why not? I say? Why do we have to be subjects to gods and fates, why can't we seize our destinies, and impose our will upon them. We've mastered fire, and we've used it to build civilizations on our worlds. From that we've mastered science, and we've used it to travel the stars. There is no universal secret knowledge and reason cannot master! Or so I thought."

Callie took a seat as she listened to Inara’s story. “As we’ve all learned in temporal mechanics classes, you can’t just change the fate of someone Inara. This Cragen may do evil things in the future, but to change one single thing could unravel the future in ways none of us can foretell. It could impact not just Cragen but all those he encounters, someone could die who isn’t supposed to, whole generations could be wiped out. What if one of those generations becomes someone important to our future? The future of Starfleet? It’s impossible to know what damage could be done.”

"The only thing that happens to me is evil things, the only thing I see is good people, doing nothing, while everyone I love... Turns against me." Inara noted. "And when I try to fight back, and when I try to fight against evil, when no one will take a stand. It becomes an evil, and they accuse me of committing crimes. I no longer believe in the common good." Inara noted. "There's just people, gods, and whatever with their agendas, and morality is just semantics."

“No” Callie shook of her head. “Morality isn’t semantics, don’t let your anger and pain make you cold Inara. There is good and there’s good in you, you just need to find it again.”

"Blah, blah, blah" said the familiar voice of Hela as the goddess appeared in the corner, sharpening a sword on a whetstone. "Do you listen to yourself? Poor me. Boo Hoo. Life isn't fair. Why don't people agree with me. Why am I wrong for trying to break everything to get what I want. Always the victim, aren't you? So much so that you have driven perhaps the only person who might be able to help you away. You understand that Morrigan isn't around to protect you from little old me, right? My, aren't you just the saddest mortal I've ever encountered in the last 5000 years. Why so serious, Inara?" She pointed the sword at her, "Surely we can put a smile on that face."

"As you can see Counselor, she is a pest." Inara mentioned.

Hela lowered the sword and stretched out her arm as if reaching out to help a drowning victim and spoke in a sympathetic tone, "I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but who knows? Maybe I've been there too. Maybe I can help. We could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You needn't be out there on the edge anymore. You needn't be alone. We don't have to kill each other. What do you say?"

"You wanna know what bent my life out of shape Hela. You really want to know." Inara stated. "I never thought in my life I would love someone. Then I met Josephine Carlyle. And it was that rare moment where I truly met my equal. She was grace, knowledge, art, I knew inside she was precious beyond anything. I fell into a trance with those eyes. I would do anything she asked." Inara mentioned with tears coming down her cheeks. "But I failed her."

Thoughts entered her mind. 'They took me and shackled me. Pain, constant pain. To break me... to turn me into something... degraded.'

"The pain was excruciating." Inara explained.

'I screamed... I heard her scream. soon my thoughts turned from resisting, to appeasing them... so they wouldn't torture me anymore. I became as lewd and degenerated as they wanted me to be.' Arrianna spoke inside. 'And I excelled at it, so they turned me against Josephine.'

"Imagine seeing yourself doing hideous things and being unable to stop it. Drugs and torture turned me into a monster. I served perverse delights." Inara noted. "I was then rescued, and I spent years pulling myself back from being her. My mind snapped in half, Hela. The person I was... and Inara Senn. Something I made to do the maximum amount of cruelty towards Kyle Cragen because Arrianna could not hurt a fly in anger." Inara noted. "She fought for justice and peace, but me, Hela. I fight for a very different cause. "Hela, only a former slave can understand a former slave."

Hela laughed. She looked over at Callie as she began to clap mockingly. "You have to give it up for her. The sob story. How the whole world, the universe itself has conspired against her. And then she pulls out her old, tired trope about slavery, how she was a slave and only another slave can understand her. Such infantile thinking on her behalf. As if she knows what it means to truly be a slave, or even what it means to be truly tortured. You understand what I mean don't you? Callie, isn't it? Yes, you understand me. You've discussed it with several of your colleagues, especially your mate, and the damaged doctor, Samantha I believe. Now they understand what it means to be tortured. And unlike our childish Inara here, they never broke. They held firm. They showed they had the strength that comes from real warriors and heroes. They didn't fall into this worthless self-pity."

She walked around the office, looking at the surroundings, stopping to view some of the pictures and baubles that were placed all about. "Quite cozy here. Really designed to make you feel comfortable, tell all your deep dark secrets. What is it you do? I believe you have them tell you their feels, their thoughts, their dreams. I have dreams too. In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out."

She looked back at Inara who still looked lost from her reminiscing. "Yes, memory is so treacherous. One moment, you're lost in a carnival of delight: childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental candy floss. The next, it takes you somewhere you don't want to be. Somewhere dark and cold, filled with the damp, ambiguous shapes of things you’d rather forget. Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children, no?"

She walked over to Callie and began to act all chummy. "Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. ‎Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos" she said with a smile.

"So I've been lead to believe" Callie nodded then looked towards Inara. "Don't let go yet Inara, don't give up." she looked back at Hela.

"Tell me something Hela" Callie gave Hela a curious look. "From what I understand you want to take a child from this ship, one that is supposedly yours, a demigod, correct?" she motioned for Hela to sit instead of walking around the office. "If you think children are 'vile, repulsive little brutes' as you just worded it, then why do you want a child? It doesn't sound as though you want to be a mother. Being a mother requires love, empathy, a willingness to give your all to protect that child from harm. Is that something you'd be ready to do? To sacrifice yourself for your child? To protect your child with your very existence if you had to?"

Hela smiled vilely. "Demigod. I haven't heard that term in centuries. But yes, it would be an accurate term. As for the child itself, it is mine. I admit, I knew that the pregnancy was going to happen before I made the deal for it, but knowing things that you mortals don't is hardly a crime. Your beliefs about parenting are quaint, humorous even. Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing? I believe you humans have some sayings, that all the world is a stage, and the people are just players. It rings of truth. Another famous quip from you all is that God doesn't play dice with the universe. That assumes that life isn't just a game, but for every one of you mortals, no matter where in the universe you may be, it is a game. It is a game for us as well, filled with the longest running gags you can imagine." She finally made her way to the seat that was offered.

"Mother of the year, right here." Inara stated sarcastically. "And what are you going to do when the child cries. Plunge the poor thing into water until he or she stops crying?" Inara pretended to hate Hela at this point, but strangely, she was the only one who understood her now.

Hela feigned being hurt. "Such a horrific thing to say. I have no desire nor design to harm the child. You'd understand better how I would deal with a child if you had one yourself. But that isn't likely to happen for you. Like so many of your species, you are far too selfish and narcissistic to realize it. You lash out at everything and everyone that dare counter you, blaming me and others for your own personal setbacks. Truth is, you make poor choices, time and again, and until you own up to your shortcomings, you'll never get anything you actually want. Believe me when I tell you, you cannot change fate. Trying to do so only leads you to the same destination, with more consequences heaped upon you. Feel free to ignore me, but don't say you weren't warned."

"Perhaps you should try listening to Hela's advice" Callie looked at Inara. "She has a point, lashing out at others isn't going to get you anywhere. You need to put that anger to use, use it to your advantage without it leading to revenge. Those who seek revenge rarely find that they feel any better when that revenge is acted upon. You need to accept what's happened and move on."

"Be still my heart" Hela commented jovially. "Not often I get a compliment, let alone one of you admitting that I am correct. You should listen to this one. She knows, understands. Don't listen to me. We all know you won't anyway. But this one, she has all the nifty titles and educational merits, definitely listen to her."

Inara folded her arms. The counselor was telling her to listen to the mad god. "Fine....." She noted. This did not turn out the way she wanted.

Hela looked over at Callie, "You see there. She is attempting to placate you. She is keeping quiet, not letting you know that she is angry that you are siding with me. She thinks me mad you know. She dares not consider that I am merely a few steps ahead of her."

“I know exactly how she’s feeling” Callie tapped her head. “Feelings are something no one can hide from me, that and the voices that echo in every single mind aboard this ship.” She looked at Inara. “I suggest the two of you work this out, this rage of yours is destroying you Inara, and right now we need you!”

Hela gave a wry grin. "I forgot you are an empath. Nifty gift genetics granted you. There was a time on Earth when such a gift would be viewed as a curse, or worse, as some sort of sign that you made a pact with a dark god, with somebody like me. I always found that humorous. Then again, at that point in time humans weren't rational, not really, and they definitely didn't claim otherwise. They accepted that things existed outside their abilities to quantify, and they were content with those facts. Not now. No, now they are all rational, overly so. They are like Inara here, all believing that they are right and everyone else is wrong, that they know all that can be known, and that those that disagree are vile heretics of some sort. Perhaps you should burn me at the stake Inara. Maybe that might make you feel better."

I guess I will never get what I want. Every single time I get close, or I care about someone something happens. It was then she snapped and began to break things in the room, throwing things around. "Why can't fate just let me be happy. Haven't I suffered enough? Combined with the shame of being broken into a whore, I am also denied justice, denied vengeance, and now denied resolution. I can't even have the coldest comforts, or the mercy of seeing her face again. Me the ultimate condemned. And the only thing I ever wanted..." She collapsed. "And fate wouldn't let me have even that." She screamed and let it all out. She began to pound the floor. "Why can't anyone just let me have the revenge I crave on Kyle Cragen. He made me... He made me. He made me hurt her. I should have fought harder." She cried. "Hela... Why did you tear open all my wounds? You could have just come, collected your debt, and left? Certainly, a mere mortal does not interest a god!!! I shouldn't be of any interest to you."

Hela looked around the room, gazed at Callie, and then stood and walked towards Inara. "And they say I'm dramatic" she said deadpan. She whipped her hands in a few simple gestures and everything that Inara had thrown and broken flew into the air and returned to where they had been, fully intact as if nothing had happened. "You really need to get control of these fits of anger. You seem determined to get angry and play the victim. Do you have a persecution complex?" she asked, sounding a lot like a doctor. "You know you will never get the revenge you so want, right? It isn't because you can't, it is because you'll never allow yourself to have it. You actually sabotage yourself when it comes to most aspects of your life. Revenge, justice, resolution, even love, you sabotage them all. But to answer your question, you aren't the only one that interests me on this ship. You are one of three time travelers on this ship, and I find that fascinating. Always fun watching those that tempt fate, and watching what fate does to them."

"It does not matter, nothing matters. And I cannot even kill myself, I'll only end up staring at you forever." Inara stood to leave.

"Always so negative" Hela teased. "You know, you think so poorly of me, but I'm not the villain you pretend me to be. If you want to see a villain, I'm sure one will come to see you soon. You most of all, though likely the others in time as well." Hela turned to Callie, "You were as gentle a soul as I have encountered. Frigg must look after you." With that Hela vanished.

Inara simply left without another word.

Callie sighed as she put down the PaDD she'd picked up. She hadn't helped Inara in the way that she'd planned, how could she with Hela in close earshot. Inara understood Hela, as Hela understood Inara, but getting to explain it to Inara was proving an impossible job.