How to Date a Vulcan

Posted on Wed Jan 21st, 2026 @ 9:45am by Ensign Aidan "A.J." Reid

1,371 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Not All Orders Are Easy
Location: Holodeck
Timeline: current

AJ rose to his feet as Na'Riss entered the holodeck. The ship's lounge had felt too antiseptic for romance, so he'd programmed this slice of Jamaica instead—a beachside restaurant with weathered wooden tables nestled beneath swaying palms. Steel drums pulsed through the salt-tinged air, their metallic rhythms riding the warm Caribbean breeze. His heart quickened when he saw her. The Vulcan woman had exchanged her uniform for a deep emerald dress that followed her slender form with mathematical precision, the fabric shimmering like beetle wings in the golden sunset.

"Yuh look absolutely breathtakin', star," AJ said, pulling out her chair with a flourish. "Mi nevah see yuh outta uniform before, but mi did know yuh would be beautiful, seen?"

He settled across from her in his loose white linen shirt and colorful madras pants, watching as Na'Riss surveyed him with clinical interest. One elegantly tapered eyebrow arched upward.

"Your simulation contains several anthropological inconsistencies regarding Jamaican cultural parameters," Na'Riss observed, her voice melodic yet precisely modulated. "Such unintended transparency regarding your psychological framework provides efficient data for preliminary mate assessment. Among Vulcans, this form of authentic self-revelation is considered most logical for initial courtship interactions."

Aj threw his head back, a rich, melodious laugh bubbling up from deep in his chest. Na'Riss's slender eyebrow arched sharply upward, the only betrayal of emotion on her otherwise stoic Vulcan features.

"Ya see now," Aj drawled, his thick Jamaican accent rolling through the words like practiced charm, "mi respect de boldness, star, but where mi come from, we nuh rush into tings like dat." He leaned forward, dark skin catching the light as his smile widened. "De first meetin' is for de mind, not de body—though mi must confess, you makin' it mighty difficult." His dark eyes sparkled with mischief. "Mi prefer to know de soul before anyting else, y'understand?"

The server silently materialized, placing before Na'Riss a meticulously arranged platter of vibrant produce—jewel-toned berries, emerald leafy vegetables, and golden tubers sliced with geometric precision.

“I do have a question for you regarding my simulation though," Aj said, his Jamaican lilt warming the sterile air between them. "What 'bout it strike you as inconsistent, yeah? What revealing holes you find in me creation?"

Na'Riss impaled a vibrant orange carrot with mathematical precision, the tines of her fork catching the light as she simultaneously extended her other hand toward the abandoned police station, its windows like vacant eyes in the distance.

"The absence of local law enforcement personnel despite the presence of their designated headquarters is illogical," Na'Riss observed, her tone measured and devoid of inflection. "This suggests a psychological void containing elements you find emotionally disadvantageous to recall."

Aj's eyebrows shot up like startled birds, his dark eyes widening.
"Me tink you should join de Intelligence Department, Na'Riss, for you missed your true calling. I never even plan dat part! But you right as rain, woman."

The waiter materialized with a plate of crisp greens, devoid of any dressing. Aj had spent hours combing through Vulcan physiology texts, discovering their olfactory senses could detect molecules humans couldn't even name. No fish tonight—the pungent aroma might overwhelm her delicate Vulcan nose and derail everything he'd planned. He stabbed a cherry tomato, chewed thoughtfully, and let the quiet settle between them.

"Ya see, it need some 'splanation, ya know?" Aj's rich Jamaican accent carried through the restaurant. "Before me join up wit' Starfleet, me was police 'pon me island. Beautiful place, but me always wish it never have de troubles. As officer, me witness how paradise hide darkness beneath de palm trees and white sand. Me rather focus on de good tings in life, so me take meself away to explore de stars dem. Literal stars, ya understand?"

Na'Riss inclined her head a fraction—the barest acknowledgment, yet Aj noted it was the first crack in her stone-faced demeanor since their morning encounter.

"Me nah want dis whole evenin' to be 'bout me alone, y'understand?" Aj leaned across the table, his warm smile crinkling the corners of his eyes as he regarded the Vulcan's impassive features. "Me want fi know 'bout you, star girl. What inna all dis vast universe bring you to dis ship when you coulda been anywhere else? What mek your heart beat true, Na'Riss?"

Na'Riss maintained her stoic composure, her dark eyes evaluating the query with Vulcan precision. Her gaze methodically surveyed their surroundings—the vacant security outpost across the thoroughfare, the undulating shoreline with its fine-grained particulate matter, the Cocos nucifera specimens with their elongated fronds, and finally, the nutritional sustenance arranged before them. When she returned her attention to him, her expression remained neutral, though the slight inclination of her head by precisely 3.2 degrees indicated her acknowledgment of his efforts to establish a conducive environment for discourse.

"I am the fourth offspring in a familial unit of seven," Na'Riss stated, her tone measured. "My siblings have followed paths of statistical probability. K'Vair demonstrated superior aptitude in governmental theory and now serves on the High Council's educational committee. T'Ropa formed a mate-bond at the age of twenty-one and has produced two offspring who demonstrate acceptable developmental parameters. K'Vot's intellect was deemed suitable for admission to the Vulcan Science Academy, where she researches quantum probability matrices. My cognitive profile revealed no singular area of exceptional proficiency, making Starfleet's diverse operational requirements the most logical allocation of my capabilities. The decision satisfied the familial expectation of productive contribution while optimizing my potential utility. My function aboard the Washington as a Junior Engineer has proven satisfactory by all objective metrics."

AJ sighed, his dark eyes softening as he gazed at Na'Riss. The corners of his mouth lifted in a tender smile.

"Star," he said, his thick Jamaican accent wrapping around the word like warm honey. He extended his hands toward her, palms upward. Na'Riss hesitated, one eyebrow arching slightly before she placed her cool hands in his. AJ enfolded her slender fingers within his calloused grip, the gentle pressure conveying what words might not.

"Yuh logic is sound, but di heart don't follow equations, yuh know? Even when yuh tink yuh makin' pure rational choices, somet'ing deeper be guidin' yuh—like how gravity pulls without us ever seein' it." His voice lowered, earnest and rich. "Mi nah care 'bout how efficient yuh are. Mi care 'bout who yuh are. An' who yuh are is everyt'ing to me, ya faddah, an' ya whole bloodline. Even when dem lips stay sealed 'bout it, ya hear?"

Na'Riss studied him, her obsidian eyes unblinking beneath severe brows while his warm hands enveloped hers. She tilted her head precisely 7.2 degrees.

"Your declaration of affection, while founded on emotional rather than empirical data, produces a favorable response in my neurological system. This is... acceptable. Should you elect to proceed with courtship protocols, be advised that familial introduction will be mandatory. I recommend you maintain this peculiar human tendency toward emotional transparency when meeting my kin, as it will allow me to collect optimal observational data on their responses."

AJ's eyes crinkled at the corners as his lips spread into a wide grin. "Mi see dat twinkle in yuh eye, star. Beneath all dat logical talk, yuh have a likkle mischief hidin' inside. Mi can read it clear as day, y'understand?"

"I require a more comprehensive explanation to facilitate my comprehension of this human idiom," Na'Riss requested, her expression remaining neutral as she tilted her head precisely three degrees to the right.

"Ya see, all dat talk 'bout watchin' ya parents react to me presence? In human culture, we call dat 'stirrin' up shit'—means ya enjoy causin' drama jus' to see what happen," AJ explained, his rich Jamaican accent rolling through the words as his shoulders shook with unrestrained laughter.

As Na'Riss arched one elegant eyebrow in that precise Vulcan way, Aj dissolved into unrestrained laughter. For only a moment—a duration Na'Riss had calculated with Vulcan precision—the corner of her mouth twitched upward, a microexpression that would have been imperceptible to anyone not studying her face. She reached for another carrot with deliberate slowness, using the movement to recalibrate her features into their proper logical arrangement before any further evidence of amusement could escape.

 

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