Dark Memories

Posted on Wed Aug 25th, 2021 @ 12:47am by Commander Samantha Howard & Lieutenant JG James Phoenix

Mission: Breen in Paradise
Location: USS Washington
Timeline: After Return to Prime Universe

There was a long hallway. It was dimly lit, but not too dark. He walked at a normal pace for a while. He didn't know what would be at the end of this tunnel or hallway, but he wanted to find out.

What was minutes felt like hours of walking, to the point where he could hear his own footsteps. By now he could spot the end, which was a door, but it was still a decent pace away. As he got closer, he saw light emitting from the cracks in the door. After a few more minutes of walking through the dark and grey hallway, he arrived at the foot of the door.

Phoenix hesitated. Did he enter through the door? Or just stand there and continue to hesitate going through the light at the end of the tunnel? His answer came shortly when he opened the door to reveal two people. Himself and Ash in a room, that looked like a small apartment. Based on the decorations and technology, it was from before they were frozen. He stepped in a little bit more. He realized when this was. Another time he was most vulnerable.

At the time he hadn't gone to his older sister, because she didn't need to know at the time. As a matter of fact, Ash was the only one he could confide in. To be frank, she was the only one he could trust at times. The words the two were speaking were inaudible to James, but he knew what they meant. After all, he spoke some of those words. But, he couldn't take anymore of this bloody dream. He decided then to burst out of the fake room and back into another hallway. This time, he would run as fast as he could back to where he started.

He looked back and saw the room and the rest of the hallway, with darkness fading while it pursued him. He ran faster. Much faster until he nearly tripped over himself, not realizing he stumbled through another door and into darkness.

He recognized that he was in his quarters aboard the Washington. There was a small piercing pain his shoulder that confirmed it to be the right time. He rose up out of his bed, to reveal DS9 through the windows of his room. Ever since the away team's return, his nightmares had gotten worse again. Worse than they were in the academy. He made the executive decision to get out of bed. Right now, his place was not in his quarters. He threw on a tank top and picked up a small note that had been left for him upon his return tho his own dimension. He then left his room towards one of the Washington's many lounges.

Dr Samantha Howard sat quietly in the corner of the lounge area, deserted as it was at this hour. She'd been unable to sleep, still beating herself up over what had happened to Essie and her inability to heal and save her friend. Her heart ached to see Jon hurt so much, combined with her own aches and pains still healing from the surgery. Damned mirror universe, damned Shran, damn it all. She took a sip from the glass, the liquid intermixed with several icecubes. It was strong liquor, but she felt she needed to drown the voices, drown the thoughts, drown the failures.

The corridors of the Washington were pretty much empty except for some of the night crew. He usually slept pretty except for the past few nights. The mirror universe had cause a lot of pain to them. Including James. Hell, he had to watch his best friend die, even if it was her counterpart. He reached the lounge and went in.

The stars were of little comfort this evening, Sam's mind on the mirror universe and the events that had transpired. Her friends had been tortured, she'd been unable to save Essie, her friend now in eternal slumber until the best medical minds in Starfleet could find a way to save her. She didn't hold much hope, if Bashir couldn't save her straight up, things were bad.

James walked into the lounge, initially not noticing the Doctor at first. He replicated a small bottle of vodka and took a seat near one of the windows. He held the note in his hands, hesitant to open it. Despite it being from technically himself, he didn't know if it would be worse than the cryptic news he relayed to his counterpart through Smiley. After a few sips of vodka, and a few more minutes of waiting, he decided to wait to open the message.

Sam looked up as the doors opened, watching Phoenix enter looking as broken as she felt. She had wanted privacy, solitude and something to drown her sorrows but now she wasn't so sure. Her job was to care, it was her purpose in life and no matter how dark her days were it still drove her forward.

"Hey" She said simply "Misery loves company"

James looked up to see the Washington's CMO. "Hey" he said setting his drink down. "Couldn't sleep either?"

"Nope, too much going on in my head" She admitted "Too many bad memories" She raised the glass to her lips, the ice clinking quietly with the change of orientation. The liquid drained and a disgruntled expression crossed her features. "Damn"

"Know the feeling" he said thinking about Ash. He knew what Sam and the rest of the team were going through. After all, he watched his best friend die in his arms. "Care for a Vodka-coffee combo?" He asked noticing his Vodka was half empty and Sam's drink was empty. It was a combo he hadn't had for a while, but it was one he enjoyed.

"Vodka coffee? I havn't tried that... sure why not, pennys and pounds and all that" Sam handed her glass over to James and watched him mix the drinks. " What brings you to the empty lounge at this hour?" She probed gently.

James set Sams glass on the counter, and took one out of a cabinet for himself. He then got together a second bottle of vodka and set it on the counter and set the replicated bottle aside to save for later because he didn't need two bottles. He then set two mugs of coffee to brew behind the counter.

"Nightmares about my past" he said honestly. "Had them dealt with before our visit to hell. If it weren't for-" he was interrupted by the smell of freshly brewed, non-replicated coffee. James picked up both mugs and set them next to the Vodka. For best results, he poured the coffee and Vodka into each glass at the same time. After a few moments, the drinks were done. He then handed Sam her drink, and picked up his own and sat down again.

Sam inspected the glass before taking an experimental swig, it was pleasant and most definately going to give her a headache in the morning. That was tomorrow's problem.
"If it weren't for...." she prompted, taking another sip and turning her attention fully to James.

"If it weren't for her death. Or rather my goddamn inability to protect my best friend" he said implying that it was about Ash.


" Who is she James?" Sam asked gently, taking another sip of her glass and letting the liquor course through her body, creating a warm fuzziness.

"She was my best friend throughout the end of my high school days and into my young adulthood. We had gone through hell and back together. She helped me cope through finding out the true fate of my parents. Her name was Ashlynn Regan..." he trailed off and sighed. "We were close, so much so that we were basically inseparable. In fact, when she was able to partake in the Alpha 3 mission to Mars, I went with her" James began.

"However, in April of 2025, the mission went south. There was a mass systems failure. The flight commander ordered Ash and I to experimental stasis tubes, since there was no other way off of the ship, in hope that we'd be found again. That is why I'm here. That's why I have lost her twice..." He sauntered off again trying to hold in his weakened emotions.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being upset. There's been a buttload of trauma for everyone to unpack from that little jaunt over there. Seeing Ashlynn again must have brought back some pretty difficult memories." Sam soothed, trying to engage James again and not let him stew.

"It did" he said thinking back. "When I came out of stasis, I made a personal mission to find her again. But watching her die, even if that was her mirror counterpart makes me question whether she's even still alive. It's not like I can even search her in a database like most people would either. Command won't even let me. Not because of my rank either." It was true. Starfleet Command had disallowed him from finding anything on Ash. Anything he ever did search came up blank, or was redacted.

" Do you know why they won't let you? Was it classified?" Sarah probed gently, sipping her drink and watching the young man with compassionate eyes. Her own woes paled in comparison to his and she wanted to support him.

"I don't. They never told me. But if it were classified, I fear it is just classified from me" he took a sip of his drink. "And I think I know why."

She regarded him with a curious look, one not of pity but now of interest. " Really? Why would something like that be classified?" She mused aloud.

"While I had been asleep for a few hundred years, I did pay attention in my history classes when I was in the academy..." he trailed off again. "This kind of thing has happened before, but more dangerous, and the person who was frozen was the dangerous one. Remember the Khan Noonien Singh incident that occurred when Kirk was still the captain of the Enterprise?"

" I remember something about it. Which time though, when he blew up the archives on Earth then took off to the Klingon homeworld, or the other time?" Sarah racked her memory to recall the details of the other encounter between the arch nemesis. History had never been her strong suit.

"Either one actually. Khan was very dangerous and he was technically human with a similar story to myself and Ash" He answered looking at Sam. "I fear that Command is in the mindset that if I find Ash, that it could mean trouble for Federation. Even if both me and her aren't nearly as dangerous. In other words, they don't want a repeat of Khan, but on a worse scale."

"I see, she was an augment?" Sam asked quietly, not needing to know the answer but wanting James to continue. He had a story to tell and she was more than willing to sit and listen to it.

"Ash?" he asked. "No, her and I weren't. But I fear that Command feels otherwise" he sighed.

"Why would they classify her disappearance of she wasn't an augment. Unless they were trying to cover up something" Sam mused, rubbing her chin and sipping the beverage "it must have been terrible for you"

"It was. And we told each other pretty much everything. But there were things we kept from each other. So she could have been an augment. But, with past events in history, I wouldn't be surprised if Starfleet were covering something up" he said placing his now empty glass on the table. "But, am I the only one command is hiding this from? I don't even know if they could hide that information from one sole person."

" What if they're not hiding it just from you? It sounds as though its a large scale classification. If you can't find any information, I doubt anyone else could" Sam tried to explain, still perplexed as to why there would be a coverup at all unless there was something out of the ordinary going on.

"Perhaps it is possible. Maybe it is a coverup that stretches across the entire Federation" he sighed. "But it begs the question: How much of my own presence is classified? If Ash is alive, she may not know that I am, because of the same reason possibly."

" If she were alive you would have found her" Sam said sagely "You can only be hidden for so long before leaks and mistakes bring the truth to light." She cast her eyes downward for a moment, feeling the impact of her words " As for your own presence - the fact that you're here talking with me suggests otherwise"

"Maybe she is in some kind of hiding. Perhaps the truth hasn't been revealed yet" he said not wanting to accept what could possibly be Ash's true fate. But, he knew that Sam was right in the end.

" Hey... whatever happens, you can't let it rule your life. I know its hard to understand and there's so many questions but your life, your career, your friends are also here. We care about you" Sam added softly, reaching out and touching James' hand. " Don't let it destroy you"

"Thanks doc" he quietly said. "I won't let it destroy me" he added not knowing if he'd be able to hold on to that statement.

"Good, because no matter what happened in the past - there's a tonne to be done in the present and the future. We need you here, the whole team does" Sam continued, hoping that her words were ringing true.

"Yeah" he sauntered knowing it was true.

" No 'yeahs' about it" Sam said firmly. " I know it's hard, I know it sucks, but you can't live in the past. Your future in on the Washington, out there solving the mysteries of the universe and doing good"

He knew that she was right. But the truth is that it was hard for him to let go. Truth be told, he didn't know if he'd ever move on. The least he could do in that sense was to try. "I know" he sighed. "It's just hard. Knowing most, if not all of the people you knew and loved pass on. Moving on will be hard. The least I can do is try" he said honestly.

" No-one said it would be easy, the best you can do is your best " Sam said gently, raising her mostly empty glass. "To Ash, and to the future" She toasted.

James lifted up his extra bottle of vodka and raised it. "To absent friends. And family."

" Indeed" Sam echoed as the glasses clinked together in a salute to the past, present and future. She drained what was left in hers and yawned, the latest of the evening catching up with her.

He took another sip of his drink realizing that the bottle of vodka was also empty. After that he too yawned slightly.

" I think the bottle is trying to tell us to call it a night. swing by sickbay in the morning if the headache is unpleasant" Sam rose, a little unsteady at first before finding her equilibrium. " I hope you find your answers some day"

“Will do” James replied simply. “And thank you. For everything.”

"You're welcome" Sam smiled, hoping that the Ensign would indeed find some peace in all the universe had dealt him. " Good night.. or good morning rather" She headed for the door and back to her quarters.