The Long and Lonely Road

Posted on Thu Aug 26th, 2021 @ 8:20pm by Captain Shran dh'Klar & Commander Jonathan Grayson & Lieutenant JG Eislyn Jortho

Mission: Breen in Paradise
Location: USS Washington
Timeline: Prior to arriving at Casperia

Shran made his way from the counselor's office to Jon's quarters. He felt it necessary personally to look in on him. It didn't take him long to find himself outside Jon's quarters and hitting the door chime.

Jon was lying on the sofa, staring vacantly up at the ceiling when the door chime sounded. Rising from the sofa with a sigh, he walked slowly to the door. He pressed the door lock to unlock the door and allowing it to slid open. As it did, it revealed the person on the other side. Jon blinked, once, twice, taking a step back as he did. "Captain." he greeted Shran dully even as he stood to one side allowing Shran to enter.

Shran entered and looked at his XO, seeing that he was still deep in whatever melancholy was affecting him. "Jon, I thought I'd stop by and see how you were doing."

"I'm coping sir." Jon answered, "I miss Essie so much." He answered as he went to sit on the sofa and gestured to Shran to take a seat. "I can't get through a day without thinking of her." Jon turned his head to look at Shran.

"I can understand your feelings. I spoke with the counselor. She says she wants to meet with you. She believes you are dealing with PTSD. Considering what we have all been through over the last few months, especially you, I don't doubt her diagnosis. That said, I know you can get through this, and I want you to know that I'm here for you as both your captain and your friend."

" A counselor? I don't know. Sir, what I need is to be restored to active duty. Something to focus on then sitting here. I appreciate your support and friendship sir. You and Sam have been true friends."

Shran took a seat across from Jon. "I told the counselor as much. Told her that this crew, especially my senior officers couldn't be viewed the same way personnel are viewed who serve on a starbase or some other low stress posting. That we are a frontline vessel and that despite our best efforts to avoid conflict, that we do indeed deal with as much stress and actions as any vessel does since the war. Her response was exactly what I would expect from a counselor, that you need time to heal and that I can't rush things. She assures me Sam will be back to active duty by the time we reach Casperia Prime, but she couldn't make the same assurance for you." Shran leaned forward in the chair, "I think the only way the counselor will clear you for duty is for you to sit with her, follow her instructions. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but I can't overrule her no matter how much I may wish to."

As Shran finished speaking Jon's comm badge beeped. =^= Eislyn to Cmdr Grayson =^=

Shran's antennae raised up. "Speak of the devil" he murmured.

=^= Grayson here.=^=

=^=Commander, I'd like to meet with you in an hour in my office if that is agreeable. =^=

Jon looked over at Shran and sighed. This was the last thing he wanted to do. Share his thoughts and feelings with a stranger. However he also wanted to be restored to active duty. =^= That will be fine Counselor=^=

As the comm channel closed Shran nodded at Jon. "I know you don't want to do it, but it has to be done. With luck she'll restore you to duty." Shran stood up and put a hand on Jon's shoulder, "Let me know if I can do anything." He started to move towards the door, "I have to get back up to the bridge. Can't leave the junior officers in charge for too long." He gave a smile and a soft laugh and then exited, leaving Jon alone.

A hour or so later

Eislyn sat in her office, looking over Jon's records. She had seen Samantha a short time ago, but she knew that Commander Grayson had far more to deal with. He had personal loss of a kind, intimate loss. She knew this would be a challenge, made more difficult because he was a ship's XO and likely wanted to be back to active status immediately, probably even more than the captain who had already tried to force that very issue. She knew this would be a difficult meeting. Suddenly the door chimed. She got up, straightened her uniform and walked to the door. As it opened she saw her patient. "Commander Grayson, please come in."

After the Captain left, Jon got up, showered, shaved and put on a clean uniform and then went to meet the counselor. Arriving outside her door, he took a breath, wiped invisible dust from his uniform and pressed chime. An instant later, a slim, attractive woman stood in the doorframe. "Counselor Jortho, I presume?" Jon answered his right hand going out automatically to shake hers.

She shook his hand and then invited him in, allowing him to enter the office and take a seat. She sat across from him and crossed her legs, placing her folded hands on her top knee. "Commander, I am fairly certain you don't want to be here. Based on your service record, I am betting you are the type that prefers to deal with things on his own. Your terms, your way. Am I right?"

Jon nodded his head. "I'd say that was pretty accurate assessment Counselor. I've always stood on my own two feet in dealing with situations that have come my way. It isn't personal, I assure you of that."

"I can respect that Commander. But you have to understand, the trauma you are dealing with, it isn't just going to disappear with the wave of a wand. And I don't want you to deal with it by drinking or trying to repress it. You have to deal with it, even if it is hard. That is why I am here, to help you with that."

"And you have to understand Counselor, my way has worked before, It will work now. I don't drink. Well except for wine. Furthermore I can handle it. Yes, I miss Essie terribly. I wish she were here right now but she isn't and all the wishing in the world isn't going to change that." He leaned forward, "What makes you think I need help or you can help me?"

Eislyn studied his face and his body movements. His tone gave away quite a bit as well. "You do need my help Commander, though I understand why you think otherwise. I believe I can help you, and furthermore, it is my job to do so. You are a straight shooter like the captain, and that doesn't surprise me. But people like him, like you, you think you can handle everything on your own, and that simply isn't the case. Sometimes you need to express things, let the emotions out so that they don't tear you apart internally." She braced herself for what she expected to be a rather big outburst. "Estella, she was important to you. You were in a romantic relationship, not just colleagues. She was severely injured on your watch. I'm certain that brings up all sorts of emotions."

Jon tensed at Eislyn's words about Essie being hurt on his watch and he had to almost bite his tongue off to keep from exploding. "What will help me Counselor is being restored to active duty and not sitting in my quarters staring at the ceiling. My job, my duty will keep me busy and occupied. As for expressing things, We all express things in different ways isn't that true? Some people cry, some get mad and are quite demonstrative. Different strokes for different folks and all that." He replied.

"So you are of the mind that you can simply push everything aside and just get back to duty without any further time to heal? I have to admit Commander, I am skeptical. Letting you jump right back in would hardly be the most therapeutic thing for me to do for you at this time." She raised her hand up to try to calm what she expected to be a rather large outburst. "That said, sometimes patients can guide their own healing processes. I would be willing to sign off on you returning to duty with the caveat that you would have a weekly appointment with me for the foreseeable future so that I can monitor your progress dealing with everything. Would that be acceptable?"

"Push aside? No I can't push it aside Counselor. I can't regulate Essie to minor status but I can deal with it." Jon replied firmly. He eyed her with skepticism when she said she would sign off on him returning to duty. But in exchange he would have to see her weekly. "What are you calling the foreseeable future Counselor?"

"Truthfully, I can't say with certainty. It could be just a few weeks, it could be months, it could be years. It will be a constant reevaluation with each session. To be clear Commander, your options are rather limited. If you want to be back on active duty, this is your only choice."

"I see." Jon replied. "Not the answer I was looking for. However I do want to be returned to active duty. Very well Counselor. I agree."

Eislyn knew that she had given to him what boiled down to an ultimatum, and that wasn't what she wanted to do, but that was the reality of the situation. Patients like Jon didn't respond to traditional methods, and that meant either severe measures be taken or for her to go out on a limb and try something radical. She had chosen the radical path because she could grasp what he was going through, and from a purely StarFleet standpoint he was a valuable officer, a person that was relied upon by many, most notably her new captain. He hadn't exactly brow beaten her, but she knew he was the type to bend a rule when necessary, or break them if he had to. Commander Grayson was important to him, just as Dr. Howard seemed to be. She understood the relationship, not from her personal experience so much as from the memories of her symbiant's past lives. Such devotion and camaraderie was a rare thing and something to be cherished and protected, and she would not be the one to break it apart.

She made some notations in her PADD and then looked up at Jon. "Commander, I am releasing you for now, with a hard appointment set for this time next week. You will remain off active duty until we reach Casperia Prime. I suggest you use the time to reflect on things as you can, perhaps do something recreational on the holodeck or in the gymnasium, and I want you to have Dr. Howard give you a thorough physical exam before you return to duty."

"Just so you know Counselor, I don't like this. Not one damn bit. You hold all the cards. You act like I can't function or I'm going to crumble into a thousand tiny pieces. I'm not. That said. I will see you next week and I can get back to active duty. I'll go by Sickbay to schedule an exam with Dr. Howard right now. As for the gym or the holodeck. I will consider your advice."

Eislyn watched Jon leave her office, the officer obviously in a bad mood, but relieved at least that a compromise of sorts had been reached to get him back to active duty. She didn't care for how things had gone. It was hardly the way she wanted things to go with her first meeting of the ship's XO, but it was done now. She wondered if he would take any of her suggestions. She also considered how dangerous her treatment path might be. Grayson could be fine or he could shatter into a thousand pieces. Only time would tell which. She hoped she had made the right choice.