If You're Going Through Hell Keep Going

Posted on Fri Nov 7th, 2025 @ 6:12pm by Captain Shran dh'Klar & Commander Jonathan Grayson & Commander Samantha Howard & Lieutenant Commander Shoniara T’ghann-Travis MD & Lieutenant Commander Callie Raven-Grayson & Lieutenant Seth Travis & Lieutenant Viviana Del Rio

5,122 words; about a 26 minute read

Mission: Wild Wild West
Location: Holodeck One, Sickbay

"If you're going through hell keep going." - Winston Churchill

Shon woke, remembering the thick coating of leaves covering her and the softness of bracken in the hollow she had found. Hidden, clean, whole, maybe even born again and the world was gone. Running towards her grandfather the small feet kicking through the hot sand and jumping into the hollow of his arms, his old tan deer hide jacket covering her, hidden, clean, born again and the world was gone. Lying with Seth on their wedding night the softness of his skin on hers settling into the pillows, throwing the covers over their heads, hidden, clean, whole, maybe even born again and the world was gone.

The Vulcan part of Shon's brain had shut down, closed itself off and left the human side to its own games. The smaller hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex hyper stimulated fired off neurons to her hyperactive amygdala like darts of fire. Was she dreaming? Her senses said no as the heat of the knife pierced her eye. She began to scream a high-pitched scream as she turned on Seth her persecutor and began to fight.

Seth had brought Shon directly to Sickbay, explaining to the doctors on call what had happened to Shon. She was now in a biobed and had been resting comfortably until she screamed and attacked him with a savage viciousness. Her nails raking his face, leaving long streaks of scarlet where she scratched him. "Shon!" He yelled. "Shon!" He repeated as he grabbed hold of her hands and was able to control her. "It's Seth, love."

Sam has been returned to active duty and was in her office when Shon had been brought in. "Tell me what happened before you brought her in" she asked efficiently as she readied a handful of hypos.

Seth thought on Dr. Howard's question about Shon. "It started in our quarters. We were just sitting on the couch, taking it easy, Shon from her surgeries and me from mine. She was anxious about her arm not wanting to hold Sage, afraid she would hurt her when she jumped up and left our quarters. I found her in the holodeck running my cabin program. She seemed calm and rational for the most part. Though she said she needed to go to Vulcan to purge her emotions and that she couldn't give herself to me." He took a breath and continued. "She fell asleep and awoke rational and agreeable and we talked for a while. Then she fell asleep, and a short time later woke up screaming at me to stay away from her and ran into the holographic forest around the cabin in the rain. I found her asleep in a hollow and brought her here." He finished.

Viviana checked her notes. "This has to be a purely psychological break. Her surgeries went perfectly. Nothing in the medical logs indicates any issues with the biosynthetics. Perhaps she is having a psychotic break from all of the pain she endured, her Vulcan psyche trying to dominate everything to protect her."

"I think you may be onto something Doctor." Seth answered. "Shon first was very hesitant to use her new arm. She worried about hurting Sage. Then when she woke up in the cabin she screamed about her eye. The one that was cut out when she was taken aboard the Saber and operated on and there is also the loss of our unborn son also taken while she was aboard the Saber." Seth added quietly. "As I told Dr. Howard, Shon mentioned purging all her emotions and said she couldn't..." He paused as his voice shook, "Love me anymore."

Callie entered Sickbay just in time to hear Seth’s words, walking over to his side she gazed at Shon. “I’m still sensing emotions, so Shon’s Vulcan side hasn’t completely taken over. Besides a logical brain wouldn’t give room for nightmares or horrors, it would only see the logic not the fear.”

Shon felt calm and protected as her Vulcan amygdala held back her hurt and rage until it didn't. Her eyes opened and she saw hell. Screaming she pushed herself back off the biobed and grabbed Callie by the throat. "LET ME OUT" she screamed. "I'll kill her." She pulled Callie into a corner and down onto the ground. Visions rose and fell in her mind, and she burned as her child was taken from her. She began to squeeze Callie's throat determined to kill the one who was torturing her.

Seth reacted instantly, grabbing Shon's wrists and prying them away from Callie's throat. "Restrain her now!" He ordered as restraints were quickly placed around Shon's arms, pinning them to the side of the biobed he looked at Callie, "I'm sorry Callie as you can see Shon isn't well."

Callie nodded as she stood clutching at her throat, Shon’s grip was powerful and she had no doubt she could have killed her if she had wanted to.

Viviana activated the restraining field, locking Shon in place on the biobed. She looked at the tricorder that she had out scanning Shon, "Her biosynthetics are functioning perfectly, but I am reading massive trauma being dealt with in her mind. Doctor, counselor look at these readings" she said, walking over to Sam and Callie. "I would suggest a large neurozine injection just to try to calm her mind."

"Do want you need to do to help Shon." Seth said softly as he stood at the side of the bed looking down at his wife who in the mist of some terrible mental torment.

Shon shook violently attempting to escape from her tormentors. Looking at Seth she poured out all her venom and hatred accusing him of taking her baby her arm and her eye and worse still making her take part in the torture of her friends. Like a griz cat she spat out her hatred. "D'ha T'i ovone rih'j" then she began to cry. "Help me help me" she begged.

"Shh, we're doing everything we can to help you. I'm going to give you something to calm your brain activity, to give you a break and help you reset" Sam said gently, stepping forward with a hypo and resting her hand on Shon's head, the only part of her body not restrained.

Shon tried to move her body, to escape, even to die but somehow, she could not. She began to scream loudly the blood vessels in her eyes turning red under the strain, then she felt her heart, her blessed heart slowing, helping her to escape. She smiled. "Too late" she said as it beat for a couple of seconds more then...stopped. No more torture, no more dreams, no more hell just peace and moving on. for a moment before her brain activity stopped, she saw a young child, running to her smiling, taking him into her arms she knew who it was, blessed Surak had brought her lost son home and then, silence.

Viviana joined Sam at the biobed as she saw the readings on the monitors flatline. She was still scanning with her tricorder, "Damn Vulcans and their mental control over everything. She is forcing herself into this, like some sort of death trance" she noted as she frantically grabbed for a hypo to try to deal with this emergency.

Seth spoke Vulcan so he knew exactly what Shon said and her curse at him. She wasn't his wife; this was a stranger in her body. He was about to reply when her heart stopped. "SHON!" He screamed. "NO Shon! No! Don't you quit! You're a fighter sweetie, fight! Don't give up. Sage needs you, Shasta needs you and I need you most of all by my side as we continue this journey called life. Come back to me Shon. Please come back to me." As he bent forward and kissed her gently.

Viviana injected Shon with a pair of hyposprays and then the monitors beeped as life signs began to register. "That seems to have done the trick" she noted looking over at Sam relieved.

"For now, I recommend someone mind meld with her, go in there and coax her back in a balanced way. It would not be without significant risk to both parties. Medication is only going to get us so far..." Sam's voice trailed off.

Seth eyes went from Sam to Callie to Viviana. "I'll do it. I'm her husband, it's my responsibly to bring Shon back."

“Well, both do it” Callie offered sounding pretty hoarse thanks to Shon’s attempted choke. “I should…be able to get into Shon’s mind…and provide a bridge for you.”

Seth nodded at Callie's offer to help. His eyes and voice full of gratitude. "Thank you Counselor, are you sure you are up to it?" He didn't want to burden Callie not after Shon's attack on her.

Callie nodded. “I’m fine.”

Something had gone wrong Shon thought with Vulcan equanimity. Death had become a strange business when stared down by her own Bond-Brother T'ghrek of Vulcan who, very surely was not dead.

"Why are you here?" Shon asked.

"Because you are not Shoniara T'ghann-Dex, or is it Travis now?

"It is just a consequence of the fact brother. The immediate present is the moment we are currently in, or had you forgotten what you taught me T'ghrek and, again i ask why you are here?" Shon said.

"You called me now in this time space Shoniara"

"This concept of time is elusive." she said. "I am dead."

T'ghrek looked serious. "Why didn't you or Seth or even Sam call me?" he asked as his left eyebrow rose questioningly.

"They," she hesitated " I did not need you." Shon replied.

"I question that assertion Shoniara because you are here and I heard you call me. Remember all those years ago when I found you on that mining planet, you called me then although you did not know it. We became one when we melded Shoniara and....."

"Why were you not there with me then?" she said a little of her newfound calm leaving her.

"How do you think you got through all that torture and blood? I gave you the strength to fight by increasing your own bloodlust."

"It was you!" Shon breathed. "You made me torture and maim my own crewmate?"

T'ghrek nodded," It was...necessary sister."

"Primum non nocere, my oath of ethics, the very basis of my calling T'ghrek, you took that away from me the very moment I tortured my friend."

"You are half human, of course you would think that." He said as he leaned forward and laid his fingers on her face. "Remember the peace your Vulcan side can bring you Shoniara, do not give that up too easily."

She began to laugh not knowing she was laughing as she lay on the biobed.

He began to fade.

"Do not go," she called.

"I have to my sister, you said yourself that I am not dead, well neither are you. Let them help you and then seek me out." In an instant T'ghrek was gone.

Sam monitored everything carefully, half a dozen hyposprays ready should she need to intervene. She hoped she would not need to.

"Something seems to be happening. Reading increased activity in her telepathic centers" Viviana noted.

“She might be trying to reach out to us” Callie added as she moved to Shon’s side. She took a deep breath before gently taking Shon’s hand to make a better connection. “Shon can you hear me? We’re coming to get you.”

"I can bring her back. Let me meld with her." Seth said anxiously.

Callie nodded. “I can create a bridge, but I don’t know for how long. I’ve only done it once before. I need you to hold onto Shon’s hand, the contact will help with the connection.

Seth did as Callie asked and took Shon's hand in his own. His fingers wrapping around hers in a tight grip. "Ready Counselor." His voice strong and determined.

Concentrating her rarely used telepathic abilities on Seth, Callie focused hard. << Shon…can you hear me? Seth is here with me…I need you to reach out Shon…>>

Sam kept her eyes on the monitors she had set up, each displaying the brainwaves of each of the parties involved. She hoped they would be able to resolve the situation without further medical intervention but that now entirely depended on Shon.

Viviana prepared hyposprays, readying for the possible issues that could spring up from this telepathic endeavor.

Shon could hear a faint sound like the sound of a field of grain waving on the edge of the storm. "Sha Ka Ree" she whispered. "you were wrong T'ghrek," she said. "I am dead, they are calling but....." she felt the edge of the storm move "across the field and she realized her heart had, once again began to beat. The storm washed over her "S'HAH G-aGE ne GUK!" she screamed as she tried to force her heart to stop once again.

Seth looked anxiously between Shon and Callie. He had to save her! She was his soulmate, his best friend and the mother to two wonderful girls. He had to bring her back.

“Seth…she needs you! Talk to her” Callie added as she tried to hold onto the connection she had with Shon. Callie was starting to find breathing harder as the swelling from Shon’s earlier grip on her throat was taking hold.

Seth did as Callie instructed and opened his mind to Shon. *Shon, my love. It is Seth, I've come to bring you back to your daughters, to your friends who care and love you and to me. I love you and need you Shon. Please come back. I will stay with you as you fight and you are a fighter my love, so fight! You will not be alone.*

Shon saw that she was walking towards a deeply worn path that led into a dark wood, it looked so peaceful, so protective. The breath of a whisper reaching her ear made her turn round to see a tall man looking at her. Somehow she knew him, felt safe with him and somehow protective of him. Someone else however was also in her mind as he sympathetic nervous system went into overdrive at the behest of her hypothalamus. She did nor recognize Callie and saw her as a threat. "Get out of my mind," she shouted.

"Shon." Seth called to her, "Shon my love. It's me Seth, I'm here to bring you back to Shasta and Sage as well as all your friends. You are feeling Callie's presence. it she who has allowed me to be here with you. You know Callie, she is one of your best friends aboard the Washington. You have no reason to run or hide love. We all love you. Me most of all. Let me, us help you.*

“Hurry Seth” Callie was struggling thanks to both her throat and the telepathic endeavor. “I can’t hold on much longer!”

Seth heard Callie's urgent plea. *Please Shon, there isn't much time. Come with me, come back to those who love you.*

Shon's Vulcan mind threw Callie back hard cutting the connection. "Let me go." she said out loud as she began to fight the restraints her Vulcan strength growing as they began to crack. Her eyes opened to a scene of horror, bodies and blood, brains and torture lay before her. One restraint broke away and she hurled herself off the bed crouching to the side screaming and spitting curses in Vulcan.

Callie found herself sitting on the floor, dazed and exhausted. This was going to be one time she was going to have to rely on others rather than throw herself straight back into the fight.

Seth jolted as the connection was broken. He looked around and saw Callie lying on the floor. he knelt beside her, "Counselor are you alright?" He asked even as his eyes fell on Shon, crouching beside the bed and screaming at them.

He slowly stood up and faced Shon. "Shoniara." he said using her full name. It is me Seth, you are in Sickbay aboard the Washington, Callie, Sam and Viviana are here as well. Let us help you love. We, I want you back at my side as my wife and best friend."

Shon looked at Seth and then began to reach out for him. For a moment it looked like she recognized him then, her demeanor changed and she made a grab for him as she snarled and cursed trying to pull herself free from the manacle that held her there. Her overactive amygdala fired to her prefrontal cortex and her damaged hippocampus due to the trauma hit her overworking brain causing an aneurysm to form and burst as Shon kicked out and lay still.

Seth held his ground not backing away even as Shin snarled and spit at him. "Shon, it's me, we're trying to help you. let us help you." He pleaded before she collapsed on the floor and lay still. "SAM!" He screamed as he rushed to Shon's side.

Sam moved quickly, assessing the now multiple patients as all hell broke loose. Shon now had a brain injury on top of her other complications, Seth had been thrown to the floor, and Callie was curled up in the fetal position. "Viviana, assessing Seth and Callie, I need to stop the bleeding in Shon's brain" she snapped, already getting to work.

Viviana handed Sam the hypo and then raced over and grabbed the necessary tool so that Sam could treat Shon. "I'll handle the other's doctor. Your hands are full just dealing with her." She moved to check Seth and Callie. "Seth, you'll be fine. I'll need to use a dermal regenerator on you, but if you don't mind, just take this sterile pad and hold it against the wound for the time being. Callie is in a bit more of a serious condition." She gestured for a nurse to come over, and they lifted Callie and placed her on an adjacent biobed. "10 cc's of neurozine" she ordered, double checking her scans as the nurse prepared it.

"Of course Viviana." Seth replied almost automatically as his eyes were on Shon as Sam worked on her. "Take care of Callie." His eyes moving to her fetal position. "Help them both.... please."

Callie was still trying to shake off the effects of being in Shon’s mind one minute, and forced out the next. It was something akin to being in a daydream world, like you were there yet not there. She could see everyone but couldn’t currently interact with them.

Seth's eyes moved from Shon to Callie who seemed here physically but didn't act like it mentally. "Counselor? Callie? Is everything alright?"

"She's in a sort of telepathic fugue. I've given her neurozine to stabilize her mental state, but it will take her a minute or two to come around. In hindsight, trying to have the counselor telepathically link you was a bad idea. She isn't a strong enough telepath for that. The only one on the ship strong enough is likely Cmdr Celes" Viviana replied to Seth's questioning.

Seth nodded slowly his eyes downcast. "I thought getting her to act as a bridge to Shon, I could help Shon. Now she and Shon are both worse off because of me." he raised his eyes to look at Viviana, "All I was trying to do was help my wife and look what happened."

"Your heart was in the right place" Viviana replied sympathetically. "You didn't force her to help. She volunteered. No use placing blame. But let's not try that again."

Sam meanwhile was elbow deep in removing the clot from Shon's brain tissue, working through the protocols that followed as standard practice following an episode like this one. It was definitely touch and go but there was no way she was going to give up on her friend.

Seth shook his head sadly. "Easier said than done not to blame myself." His eyes drifting to Callie and then to Shon as Sam worked to save her.

Sam kept working, half a dozen hypos, a laser scalpel, blue medical absorbent sheeting and a deft hand all working in unison with a singular goal. She would save this patient; she had to save this patient. Her focus narrowed as she cauterized the bleeder and began closing.

Viviana scanned Callie once more and seeing that she was out of the woods and the only thing now to do was allow her to awake from the fugue, she made her way over to Seth, a dermal regenerator in hand. "Now then, let's get this fixed up. Hold still please" she said as she began treating the minor wound.

Seth did what Viviana asked, never saying a word as Viviana began to work on his wound. His eyes moving to Shon and then to Callie.

Sam closed, and ran a dermal regenerator over the incision she had made and pressed a hypo into Shon's neck. She exhaled slowly and stepped away, her uniform covered in blood and other material. "Its up to Shon now" she said quietly.

Shon was sitting in the sunshine shading her eyes watching Sage playing with the flowers, as she laughed and rolled. Shon breathed in the scent of the cool breeze coming from the snow covered mountains and the glacier as the sound of the slow moving ice cracked and sputtered. An eagle cried from above as it stopped it's seeming endless circling to swoop down carrying some helpless small mammal off to its mountain eyrie. This was home, she thought as a figure walked towards her his body cutting into the sunshine in front of her. He was dressed in the star fleet uniform of a diplomat, a handsome man with a brown toned muscular body. As he sat beside her he produced a large ice cream cone and touched it to her nose, then licking it off he said "now THAT is the best way to eat ice cream" and laughed. Shon also laughed. This was her safety, the one that the word home encompassed. The baby crawled over to them "dadda" she said her chubby little arms held out to him as he plucked her up and lifted her above his head. Shon smiled, "I'd like to sleep for a while." The man nodded, "take your time we will be here when you wake, Shasta, Sage and me." Shon closed her eyes and slept.

Seth's eyes focused on Shon as she lay peacefully on the biobed now that Sam had finished operating on her and more than likely saved her life. He would go and sit with her when Viviana finished with him. He belonged by Shon's side today and for all the tomorrows yet to come.

Viviana completed her work with the dermal regenerator and lowered the tool and looked at her work. She placed it down and once again scanned Seth with her tricorder. "All done. Right as rain." she said with a triumphant grin. She looked over at Sam and Shon and saw that Sam was done with her work as well, though it had been a bloodier spectacle than one would be used to in this day and age. She walked over to speak with Sam, "You alright boss?"

"Thank you Viviana." Seth replied gratefully. when she finished, When she walked over to Sam, he got up and walked over to Shon. he took her hand and kissed it softly. "I'm here sweetheart. You are never alone. You have Sage and Shasta and me. We are your home, your family. Come back to us love."

Shon felt that she had slept for eons and she had missed so much. Shasta completing her Starfleet training and crewing as a Lieutenant and a biologist. Sage teaching at school in London on Earth a music prodigy married and now had made Seth and Shon grandparents. She looked at herself in the mirror her grey hair gently plaited, the skin underneath her eyes ...... reaching out she felt the lines on her face and the pain in her arm from arthritis. She looked around the bedroom and her eyes rested on the cards on her dresser. She struggled up feeling the pull on her back and the aches in her legs and hobbled over. Picking up one of the cards she read the simple message. 'Such a loss to us all, we remember Seth a kind gentle man a consummate Officer.' She picked up another and another, as her eyes rested on a holo photo of a man and a woman. She peered at it to see more clearly and noted it was her, Seth, Shasta and Sage at grandfather's ranch.

A soft knock on the door made her look as a tall male figure dressed in green walked in. "Grandma, I heard you walking around, you should not be walking on your own."

"Where is your grandfather?" Shon asked in a small shaky voice as thin as a wisp of a breeze.

An arm encircled her. "Grandma, you know he died when you were both still serving officers on the Washington, many years ago now, before I was born." He indicated the cards with a sweep of her arm. "This, this is not healthy, you are living in the past."

Shon looked at her grandson puzzlement in her eyes.

"Neither of you recovered from what you suffered on the ship. Mother tried to save him when he was shot, so did Sam and Viviana but he died and you," his hand brushed her hair, "you never recovered properly from your injuries and had to leave Starfleet. You have been living with us for ten years now."

A tear slipped from Shon's eye as she rested on the biobed.

"Shon?" A voice as light as a feather and just as gentle called to her. "Shon?" It called again. "Come back to me love, to Shasta and Sage, your family and your family on the Washington." A hand gently squeezed hers. "My precious angel, come back," A kiss was planted on her lips, feathery soft but filled with love and a promise to always be there for her. "You are never alone love." The voice, Seth's voice whispered to her.

Shon felt a breath that covered her light as a feather and turned around. "Grandfather!" she exclaimed. The old, weathered Apache face looked at her and smiled as the wind from the desert felt like a kiss. Shon's limbs straightened, her sight became perfect, and her hair grew full and lustrous once again. The old man sat cross-legged in front of his circle of his seeing stones as he beckoned her to join him. She sat mirroring his posture.

"There are many realities we chase but the path we are on never does Shoniara. This is not your path, the emptiness and pain you feel you will always remember but it will be tempered with love, look?" His hand swept over the stones as a swirling mist began to boil inside them. "Look closer."

She saw a bio bed in sickbay on board the Washington as she lay sleeping. Seth sat beside her his hand holding hers, his head bent over her. 'You are never alone love" he whispered. Shon opened her eyes. "Seth?"

Seth's breath caught in his chest as a Shon spoke, soft as a whisper. He first thought he had imagined it. He looked down at her and saw her eyes were open and looking up at him. "Shon!" He gasped in delight and wonder. "Shon!" He repeated as he bent down and kissed her again and again."

Sam stepped back, letting the two have their moment whilst the biobed displayed Shon's vitals so the medical staff could see. Most indicators were now edging towards the green, a blessed relief after the sea of red they had witnessed earlier.

Seth kissed Shon again, elated beyond words his wife had returned to not only himself but her family and friends they were all better and richer for having Shon in their lives.

Shon breathed a sigh of relief. Her throat hoarse she said, "how long have I been ill, I don't remember anything after Shasta returned to us?" she gripped his hand.

Hearing Shon's reply as she gripped his hand, Seth knew he would have to tell her eventually but not now. Now was a time to rejoice. "Oh, not too long love. I'll fill you in but now you rest and build your strength back up." As he leaned forward and kissed her again.

Shon smiled. "Seth," she whispered, "I want you to find out where T'ghrek is, tell him i need to see him....please." She squeezed his hand and her eyes closed in sleep.

"I will love, I promise. Now you just rest. You do that for me alright?" Seth answered softly as he squeezed her hand in return and stroked her cheek.

Viviana checked on Seth and Callie one last time. Seeing they were both in good shape, she moved over to Sam, "I'm needed in the transporter room. I am supposed to meet with Cmdr Grayson's team on the surface. Both of my patients here are in good shape." She exited sickbay, making her way to the transporter room.

"No probs" Sam smiled as the junior medical officer left, leaving Sam alone with her patients. Seth had left a few moments ago to find something or someone, leaving Callie still recuperating and Sam managing the medical side of things. Thankfully both patients were now stable and the CMO could breathe a little easier. Her uniform was still splattered with blood and she desperately needed a shower but she wasn't game enough to leave just yet. She wanted a friendly familiar face to greet Shon when she woke up next.

Shon dozed for a while no dreams bothered her and when she woke she knew where she was. Seth was asleep next to her and she smiled. Then she was desperate to know what happened. "Sam....Sam?" she called. "where have I been, what happened?"

"We think the Vulcan part of your mind withdrew and you had an episode. There were some..complications and the pressure in your brain caused an aneurysm. I've repaired the damage but it was touch and go for a while. Callie and Seth created a telepathic link to help you" Sam explained, taking a seat next to the biobed.

 

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